The Weekly Bugle: Mick Fanning’s corporate lunch from hell, Raimana yelling at Prince Harry, Kelly Slater and Bill Murray and a tiny kid on a massive wave.
Into The Weeds of The Surfing Week that was
Tiny Kid, Massive Wave
“Is that even legal?” That was my wife’s response when I showed this 13-year kid riding, and making, this massive wave at Pasquales in Mexico. I can’t even repeat what she said when I told her his name was Zion Fish Walla. It’s off the scale, the feat only diminished by anyone who reposted the footage with the caption, “What were you doing aged 13?” Absolute cunts.
Mick Fanning, Golden Balls and A Corporate Lunch From Hell
Old Golden Balls, as my mate Kingy calls Mick Fanning, rarely, if ever, puts a foot wrong. Solid on all the major criteria; son, husband, father, friend, surfer, social justice and charity. Yet this plugging of a new V8 Landrover Defender (available for $291,542 plus on-road costs in Australia) seems a slight misstep. Yet it is the table setting that really got my goat. A corporate lunch from a hellscape in the future complete with live music from Kita Alexander.
The New Duke
If there was ever a timestamp for surfing in 2024, it is Raimana repeatedly yelling “Love you brother” at Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, as the Bede Durbidge look-a-like negotiated a wave at the Surf Ranch. Where the fuck do we go from here?
Gutted For Hopkins
Portugal’s Yolanda Hopkins was one heat away from qualifying for the CT in Brazil this week. I don’t think I’d been that invested in a heat since I paddled out in the Final of the Col Smith Memorial Classic in 1989 (I rode a 7’0” Ken MacDonald Pacific Dream swallowtail, finished 4th, but claimed the highest-placed local trophy, the zenith of my competitive career). Anyway, Yo lost, her dreams crumpled in the Saqaurema sand. The ever-smiling battler will be back, but it had to hurt.
Kelly Slater Wins Weirdest Photo Of Bill Murray (but doesn’t comment on sportswashing in the UAE)
I wrote a piece on the WSL and surfing’s new role in sportswashing in the UAE and was stoked to receive loads of support. Matt Warshaw, a real legend to me, said he was inspired to write his opinion on the matter in the always excellent Sunday Joint newsletter in his Encyclopaedia of Surfing. Kelly Slater, whose name is attached to the Abu Dhabi pool, has declined to comment. However, he did post a photo dump of his pro-am golf tournament in Scotland which included the weirdest photo of Bill Murray I've ever seen. I’ve looked at this pic 1000 times, and still can’t make sense of it.