The Weekly Bugle
Into the weeds of the surfing week with the Big Wave Challenge, The Blind Sea, A-grade smut and a Michael Mackie X Matt Hoy collab.
Big Wave Challenge (and SURFER) Are Back
The announcement of the SURFER Big Wave Challenge this week, with a $150,000 prizemoney was kinda big deal. Once again it showed that Bill Sharp (the man behind the original XXL Awards) is a kneelo that makes shit happen. It also signalled that SURFER is back as a serious online player in the surf media game. "The Big Wave Awards seemed to have been shelved by the WSL, so there was no central focus for big wave surfing," Bill told me this week. "I’d always seen those awards as the town square where everyone would come and show what they were up to, exchange ideas and have a central hub. Last August, I just went, well no one else is doing it, so I’ll just re-create that space." Now with some serious backing, I've no doubt he'll make it work.
A-Grade Smut From Velouria Velveteen
The niche sub-genre of subversive pro surfing surf competition reporting isn’t exactly in a golden period. Tracks editor Phil Jarrett probably started it all with his genital warts and all coverage of events in the 1970s. Sean Doherty got it closest to an art form before he exited stage left a few years ago. I had a crack at it for a while, with mixed results. My high, or low, point was me being pictured on the Tracks cover with a French flag protruding from my butt hole. Beach Grit, via Longtom and JP Currie, have done better than most at filling the void recently. Their latest “coverage” by the syntaxingly challenging and beautifully smutty Velouria Velveteen (the nom de plume of a noted Coolangatta surfer, who wishes to remain reasonably anonymous for pretty obvious reasons.) was a welcome addition to the cannon. Is it real? With lines like, “Sammy Pupo burned me but I tried to give him my number, I love that little moustache and the grill. Hot doggy. I hope he wins the comp. I feel horny as fuck because I am living in an existential vacuum,” who cares. More please Velouria!
Michael Mackie + Matt Hoy = Funny In The Tummy
As an 18-year-old I paddled out at solid Ulladulla Bombie and watched Michael Mackie do the best surfing my young eyes had ever seen in real life. Mackie was a Cronulla legend, who had moved to the South Coast and has been pumping out weird, wacky and way-ahead-of-their-time surfboards for decades. So when I saw this weapon, and the thought of Matt Hoy riding it, it made me go all funny in the tummy.
The Blind Sea
Aussie Matt Formston was diagnosed with macular dystrophy at age five, which saw him lose more than 95 per cent of his vision. His doctors and my teachers advised his parents to send him to a school for people with disabilities, and that sport wasn’t an option. His parents didn’t listen. “With a desire to achieve, a desire to prove I was not disabled and a lot of Aussie mongrel we found a way,” said Matt. He is a Paralympian and cycling world champion, as well as a dedicated, and talented, surfer. In a new documentary The Blind Sea, Matt has teamed up with Dylan Longbottom to surf some of the world’s heaviest waves, including Nazare. The tagline 50-foot wave, 3% vision, sums up a film that will be 100 % inspiration.
The Best 12-year-old on the Planet
I came across this grom Zion Walla in another great Insta missive from Matt Biolos, whose lengthy, honest and uncompromising writings on the surf industry are some of the best hot takes out there. Anyway, in the crowded mini-groms-who-rip field, this kid just might take the cake. And while I’m reminded of the Stevie Wright line “I hate puppies… because they have a future,” if a 12-year-old can ride a backside tube like this, I can’t imagine what he’ll be doing in 10 years.
Bugle Subscriber Shout Out
A shout-out to a fully paid-up Surf Bugle subscriber Dan the Dentist who turns 50 this week. Dan doesn’t surf, nor has any interest in surfing, but in his own words “Just felt bad when I saw you at the pub,” and now “is constantly getting bombarded with shit I don’t need or read.” If you are a free subscriber, maybe it’s time to upgrade to paid, even just out of pure sympathy.
Ffs Bunda, I thought that picture, you requested, was for your personal use.