The Surf Bugle Swearosaurus

A Viz tribute of all terms surf and rude

Viz magazine’s Profanisauras was quite possibly the best tome ever written in the English language. So in a tribute (aka a straight rip-off) here is The Surf Bugle Swearosauras, an online dictionary of all things surfy, risque and rude. Of course, this is just the starting point, and with your help, we can build this into the definitive article. Simply add your entries in the comments, though please within common bounds of decency.  

Armbreaker: A very energetic masturbatory session.

Arse Spider: A post-poo hair nest that cannot be removed without bringing eight spindly hairs with it.

Bali Belly: A combination of Bintangs, tropical amoebas and dodgy food that results in a large amount of fizzy gravy (see below). 

Barney: A kook or surfer of low ability, though also sometimes used to describe a female’s lady parts.

Backside: Surfing with your back to the wall; bottom

Backdoor: The right at Pipe; entering a tube from behind the lip; going the brown when the pink is blocked (snooker ref).

Beer Goggles: metaphorical goggles that one wears after excessive consumption of alcohol, and that changes your normal decision-making processes. 

Box: West Oz slab, cricket protection, another word for Barney.

Brazilian or Brazil Nut: A surfer from Brazil; a grooming process that removes your pubic hair (also known as your rubic cubes).

Cranking: Particularly good and powerful surf conditions, or an exceptional Armbreaker session. 

Double Up: When two waves combine, often creating an extra powerful wave with twice the amount of energy; adding a friend to an intimate sexual experience.

Doggy Door: The front exit of a tube where a surfer punches through the falling lip; also see Backdoor.

Drown some kittens: To drown a litter of small stools, drop the kids off at the pool, grow a tail, pinch a loaf, crimp one off, have a poo, etc.

Elephant’s Diaphragm: bodyboard aka esky lid, shark biscuit, speed bump, cripple, gut slider, booger.

Foil: How a surfboard’s thickness is distributed lengthwise from nose to tail. Hovering type surf craft perfected by Laird Hamilton. Also an Australian 1980s term for the receptacle when buying and selling of marijuana.

Floater: A surfing manoeuvre invented by Mark Sainsbury, perfected by Richie Collins and finished by Adrian DeSouza. Also, what happens when the kittens aren’t drowned in the pool. 

Fizzy gravy: See Bali Belly, also known as rusty water, diarrhoea.

Goat Boat: A medieval craft to catch waves using a canoe-like craft. Also surf ski. 

Greyhound: Very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. In Australia, also known as the Gosford, as in, close to The Entrance. 

Haole: A non-Hawaiian, surfing, visiting or living in Hawaii ie making up 99.9 per cent of the population. 

Jacking: A fast-rising swell; and a milder more sensual version of the Armbreaker. 

Laird Hamilton: Mythical surfer from Hawaii, known for his use of motorised surf craft, short boardshorts and American Express use. 

Monkey bath or shower: A post-surf bath or shower so hot when lowering yourself in you go Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! 

Nipple Rash: Rashed skin after a long session in boardshorts; often leaves the extremities looking like a bricklayer’s thumb. 

Nugget: Small powerful tubing wave; a Richard the Third or chocolate hostage.

Pull Out: To avoid the oncoming tube due to cowardice; an unreliable contraceptive technique.

Rack: Wooden holders for surfboards; breasts.

Ranga: A surfer with a ginger complexion. Aka a Cambo, ginga ninja, fanta pants and from the expression which “If there is rust in the roof, there is often damp in the basement” stems.

Reverse V:  The keel-like part of the bottom of a surfboard towards the nose; the opposite out of the concave; also see backdoor.

Teabag: A surfer who sits out the back, bobbing up and down but catching very few waves. Also to repeatedly lower one’s testicles into the open mouth of a loved one. 

Tit pants: top section of a bikini, or bra (not to confused with Bra Boys).

Seppo: An American, coming from the rhyming slang Septic Tank. 

Shaka: Ubiquitous surfer’s salute, using little finger and thumb in a vigorous shaking manner. From the Hawaiian for fuckwit. 

Slot: To be in the perfect position on a wave to guarantee a tube; 

Steamer: A full-length wetsuit; and a still smoking and large chocolate hostage. 

Wettie Warmer: To urinate in one’s wetsuit. 

X-Piles: Unwanted visitors from Uranus.